Turns out, Mike also has some level of same gender attraction. Giggity? Well, he downplays it considerably...and I can't tell if he really isn't that into guys, or if he has lied to himself his whole life, or if he Is afraid of my reaction if he were to admit it.
He finds my attraction to him to be flattering. We flirt quite a bit, but he won't allow more than that. He cracks jokes about me or us when others aren't around, which makes me feel good. His way of saying I'm ok, and that he's ok with me. We actually had to cut back with the flirting because it means more to me and I started to...well...crush on him.
It doesn't help that he is very physically attractive to me.
Also, I've felt no less desire for my wife, which confused me at first. I guess I'm discovering what it means to truly be bi...i dunno. But I certainly have no desire to leave her.
Yet Mike remains intriguing. And, a very good friend. It's a bit of a balancing act, but of course that's old hat for me...
For now, I'm feeling fulfilled. Would sex with Mike be hot as fuck? Probably. But I'm not burning with desire about it, and actually I feel really fulfilled by his friendship. I don't see the need to risk a good friendship, and a good marriage, just to get my rocks off.
Still a balancing act though.
It may take some willpower on your part to keep from becoming too emotionally involved with him (crush, even falling in love). But I think if you keep your actions platonic regardless of your feelings and attractions at any given moment, you can have a valuable friendship.
ReplyDeleteOh yes. Willpower in full effect, with some days being easier than others. The thing is, to be frank, for a few weeks after I "came out" to him, his very cool reaction, coupled with flirting, had me all mixed up. Was definitely crushing. (But I think I'll go into more detail about that on the blog.) Ultimately however, I decided that I value his friendship, not to mention my marriage, more than any potentiality.
ReplyDeleteIf you can resist the temptation of Mike, perhaps you can resist the temptation of just about any man? If so then that bodes very well for the future of your marriage.
ReplyDeleteSomething to think about: there's a rule from somewhere that says, "don't give anonymously" in other words, if you do something worthy of praise, stand up and ask to be recognized. It might seem bizarre to tell your wife the details about your relationship with Mike but it could be extremely reassuring to her on two counts. First, you were honest and second, although he is appealing, you're not really tempted.
The bi thing can really eat at some women's sense of security and well-being. Keeping your male attractions above the table could be the best way to keep any of her unspoken fears in check.