Oh, I've Got Your Real Steel...

I provoked a bit of a conversation with my wife last night. It was short, but telling.

We were watching "Real Steel" on Blueray which stars Hugh Jackman and Evangeline Lilly. Double yummy.

I mentioned that Miss Lilly was hot. She narrowed her eyes at me and gave me a faux-dirty look.

Grinning devilishly, I asked her if it makes her jealous when I make comments like that (which I rarely do).

She said no, because she's a  celebrity and not realistically attainable.

After recovering from her shocking assumption that Evangeline Lilly DOESN'T have the hots for me, I asked if it would bother her if I made the same sort of comment about a guy...like, say, Mr. Jackman.

Her response was no, for the same reason. "I know you better than that", she said. "It's all about obtainability. It would be different if it were people around us."

"It doesn't bother you that it's a guy?"

"No."

Here's the thing. I think she said that because she's a good little liberal. She knows that being LGBT is not a choice, and that getting mad at me for something I can't help would be hypocritical of her.

It bothers her though, I can tell.  My bisexuality has always been a source of concern for her, in large part due to a few incidents that happened early on in our relationship. More on that later...

Anyway, one more thing that I find to be wierd but cool.  It could be a coincidence, but since starting this blog my libido has increased...for my wife! Guys are still hot, but...I'm wanting her. BAD!

Confusing, but I'm just gonna go with it.

You Bettah Step!

In case it's not obvious enough from the name I chose, this blog is going to talk frankly about mostly 2 things:

1. Religion, especially Christianity, and how it relates to...

2. Sex, specifically same-sex attraction among married and/or religious men. Even more specifically, MY attraction to men as a married Christian man.

I realize not everyone is religious, but I have a hunch that many bi or gay married men got married due to coming from a religious background.

I'm very open to comments and even respectful criticism--but keep any judgement to yourself. I've had a lifetime of that and I'm full up.

Oh. I also curse a lot. Never around my kids, or any place or situation where it isn't appropriate. But yeah.

So if you have issues with any of this? Get to steppin'!

Old Glory

I put my hand on my forehead and started to pray. I began to command these demons to leave me, NOW, in the name of Jesus!

Nothing happened.

Over the years, I tried many variations of this theme. I cried out to God, I prayed, I begged, I pleaded, I sobbed...my heart wanted nothing more than for to God to take it away.

He never did. I never felt the slightest change in my sexuality. In fact, I only grew more attracted to men.

But wait! The Bible is 100% true, every word of it! So what was I doing wrong? As the months passed, I grew depressed, which soon blossomed into thoughts of suicide.

My whole world revolved around God, and God doesn't make mistakes! So what was I? Obviously I was doing something wrong. I was sick, and something inside of me was stained, wicked.

Fuck this. I will CHOOSE to be straight, and that will fix it. Obviously, this is a choice, so I'll choose to never think about men in "that way". There.

That might have worked...but then I discovered a glory hole in our local Kmart men's room.

Fuck.