I'm starting to realize that my wife has no clue about how attracted to men I am. Or, even closer to the truth I think, she is in complete denial about it.
This actually shocks me, for several reasons.
For one, I'm not the most masculine guy in the world. No, I'm not flaming. I'm not lighting up cigarettes twenty feet away simply by entering the room (maybe 5-10 feet). However...if I were to ever come out as gay, there would be a massive, collective "I KNEW it/I told you so!!" among most anyone who knows or used to know me. It's quite likely I could boost the economy simply because of the bet money that would be paid out. I hear even Vegas is taking odds on this closet fag now!
This would be especially true of anyone who knew me as a child and teen-- I learned years ago to butch it up as much as I could. It's actually something that is second nature to me now.
Also, guys turn my head...or at least my eyes, all the time. I'm constantly checking out men, especially the packages! How has she not noticed?
Our sex life is currently non existent, although it wasn't always this way. It was actually pretty damn good until we accidentally got pregnant with our third. After that, for various reasons, we were both afraid of getting pregnant again, and sex transformed into almost exclusively oral. That was fine for awhile, but my daughter is now five and a half! Too long. I finally got some decent insurance and last year I got a vasectomy. That was in May.
We have had sex twice since then. Both times, we agreed, were horrible.
Now, this hasn't completely been due to lack of desire. I was actually one of the lucky guys who end up with a massive infection! My penis and scrotum were swollen due to the surgery, but my right testicle became HUGE and extremely painful. It took awhile to recover from that, and then just a couple of months ago, I had a relapse. Attack of the Scrotato.
Can I stop right here and heartily recommend that you DON'T ever get a testicular infection? Don't believe the Hollywood glamour, boys. That shit HURTS! The increase in the size of your package is NOT worth it.
So anyway, the scrotato has been an issue too, but she acts like it's pretty much the ONLY issue.
I think that she really knows it's not, but has totally deluded herself...or have I done that to her? I know that I've been fooling myself, so I guess I've been fooling her too.
As far as I can tell, she's clueless, or has buried her fears fairly deep. Either way, I haven't been honest with her, or myself.