Hello my brothers. I thought when I started this thing that my posts would be more coherent, but I'm starting to realize it's probably gonna end up a big ole hot mess, like it's author. Oh well!
I was gonna post about how I met my wife before really getting into the present...but fuck it. Got shit on the brain.
Karen and I have been married for over 11 years, and together almost 13. Most of that has been happy, except for my increasing attraction to men. Sex is a rarity, although it's not just me. She has issues from previous boyfriends. By and large though, it is me with "the problem". I WANT to be more turned on by her, but I'm just not, even though she's still attractive to me! I mean, if we start making out and get into foreplay, then yes, I'm hard and I want it. But just looking at her or any woman? Usually nothing. (Although, was just watching Kelly Clarkston's new video and DAMN!) However, guys turn my head CONSTANTLY. Sigh...and I always wonder how much she notices that.
Last night she wanted to cuddle before falling asleep. I actually WANTED sex, but she wasn't having it. Oh well, it was nice anyway. We woke up to the girls crawling into bed with us. Snuggle snuggle. I love them so much.
I'm so afraid of losing this. I love my wife, she's my best friend. I don't want to tear our home apart. These kids are my LIFE.
I feel like a selfish ass. I should have been more honest with myself years ago. Yet, had I not married Karen, I wouldn't have my kids! How the fuck could I wish they didn't exist? And what about Karen, who I DO love?
The problem is I want to make love to a man. I've had very little sexual experience with men, always a quick random hook up, mostly before I was married. I'm not interested in that anymore.
I want to be with a man.
I want to be with my wife.
What the fuck.