A lot of my Bi Married Blogging Brothers™ ;) have been writing lately about honesty. There must be something in the air, for this has also been heavily on my mind.
Among all the thoughts swirling around in my noggin right now, one of the loudest is this: Is it possible for a bi man to remain monogamous and faithful to his wife?
First of all, I'll beat you to the punch and answer myself with "Yes". Of course it's possible, ANYTHING is possible.
Ok. How about probable? Is it probable that a bi married man will remain faithful to his wife?
No. No it is not.
That's not to say it hasn't happened. I'm sure it has, but I've yet to read about it or hear of it firsthand on all the blogs and articles and e-mails I've read. Or, the blog doesn't really make it clear, so I guess on those it's a maybe.
Dear Faithful Bi Married Reader, are you a unicorn? If you're out there, can you please speak up in the comments?
So lets say these guys exist. Ok, but have they remained faithful in their minds? In the biggest sex organ we have--our brain? (Sorry, John Holmes).
That answer, dear reader, is a 100%, money-back guaranteed "no". If your bi/gay and married, then you already know this.
I think it's quite commendable if a bi guy remains physically faithful to his woman. Yet even in that best case scenario, he is still going to be unfaithful in his mind.
I'm not talking about fantasies. Everyone--male or female, gay or straight--has occasional or perhaps even frequent masterbatory fantasies that exclude their significant other.
No, I'm talking about the Need. Even if you never physically act on it, you've done so in your head a million times.
The Need will always pull on you. It will never, ever go away. Ever. You can feed it, or you can starve it---but you don't get rid of it.
How long before even the hardiest of souls give in? Even the best intentioned bi man in the world? We are only men. We are only human.
I thought when I got married that I had found happily ever after. I reasoned that I was in love with Karen and to choose marriage is to choose monogomy no matter what one's sexual orientation is.
I wasn't honest enough with myself. I have cheated on Karen in my mind almost since day 1, and eventually those mental cheats became the real thing. I'm extremely saddened by this, and ashamed of myself, for her sake.
Don't get me wrong. Some guys out there would consider what I've done to be literally next to nothing! Just a few quick, random hook ups that weren't exactly pre-planned (although to be 100% honest, I was casually cruising in most cases). Never anything unsafe.
But "next to nothing" and "nothing" are 2 separate things.
I want to do right by her, but I've already fucked that up. She deserves better than that.
We both do.