Hey everyone. Haven't written lately obviously. Lots of good things thus far going on!
You know, if I were sitting out there on the internet, reading what I have wrote so far, you know what I would honestly think?
"Bullshit. Climb back out of the closet you just stepped back into, SEAN!!"
Frankly, I can't believe it myself. For the first few days after The Talk, I was in complete shock. I couldn't believe things had worked out so well. I mean, reading what I wrote, it's easy to see how fucked in the head I was, how afraid of being gay I was, how afraid I was to break up my family, how afraid I was to really face the truth, whatever it would turn out to be.
Afraid, afraid, afraid. Fear, fear, fear.
Aren't we all tired of living in fear? Of ourselves?
Nope, no more of that for me. I'm full up, thanks.
So what happened?
Turns out, I'm NOT gay. And no, I'm not straight either. I'm definitely bi.
What I mean is, you know what I realized? That I'm...BISEXUAL. You know what that means? I like dudes. They're hot. But guess what else that means?
I also like women. They are also hot. Giggity!
What I'm saying is this. I spent my life mind-fucking myself over being attracted to men. Yet I've always been sexually attracted to women as well, even if it was less than to men. I think, because of my upbringing, I focused so much worrying about the homo side of things that I almost KILLED my hetero side.
All things considered, I admit that killing an approximation of 20% heteroness isn't exactly difficult. And yeah, if I had been raised differently, I would have went gay, almost for sure.
But I was raised the way I was raised. And despite the twists and turns and heartache that have led me here...I'm here. With her.
I'm honestly thankful for that.
I'm seeing things so much clearer now. I know the journey is still long, and for guys like me, always difficult. I know, BELIEVE me.
But I believe in what we have. My heart is hers, my mind is hers. I'm no longer tempted to stray.
Will that always be the case? I doubt it. I'm only human...but things are different now. I believe in myself, and in what I have with her.
Things with her are really, REALLY good. Why would I throw that away? Why would I throw US away?
Thank you God, for the good things.
And to hell with the rest!