Tuesday, February 14, 2012


Hey everyone. Haven't written lately obviously. Lots of good things thus far going on!

You know, if I were sitting out there on the internet, reading what I have wrote so far, you know what I would honestly think?

"Bullshit. Climb back out of the closet you just stepped back into, SEAN!!"

Frankly, I can't believe it myself. For the first few days after The Talk, I was in complete shock. I couldn't believe things had worked out so well. I mean, reading what I wrote, it's easy to see how fucked in the head I was, how afraid of being gay I was, how afraid I was to break up my family, how afraid I was to really face the truth, whatever it would turn out to be.

Afraid, afraid, afraid. Fear, fear, fear.

Aren't we all tired of living in fear? Of ourselves?

Nope, no more of that for me. I'm full up, thanks.

So what happened?

Turns out, I'm NOT gay. And no, I'm not straight either. I'm definitely bi.

What I mean is, you know what I realized? That I'm...BISEXUAL. You know what that means? I like dudes. They're hot. But guess what else that means?

I also like women. They are also hot. Giggity!

What I'm saying is this. I spent my life mind-fucking myself over being attracted to men. Yet I've always been sexually attracted to women as well, even if it was less than to men. I think, because of my upbringing, I focused so much worrying about the homo side of things that I almost KILLED my hetero side.

All things considered, I admit that killing an approximation of 20% heteroness isn't exactly difficult. And yeah, if I had been raised differently, I would have went gay, almost for sure.

But I was raised the way I was raised. And despite the twists and turns and heartache that have led me here...I'm here. With her.

I'm honestly thankful for that.

I'm seeing things so much clearer now. I know the journey is still long, and for guys like me, always difficult. I know, BELIEVE me.

But I believe in what we have. My heart is hers, my mind is hers. I'm no longer tempted to stray.

Will that always be the case? I doubt it. I'm only human...but things are different now. I believe in myself, and in what I have with her.

Things with her are really, REALLY good. Why would I throw that away? Why would I throw US away?

Thank you God, for the good things.

And to hell with the rest!


  1. Thanks man. Taking life day by day and staying thankful for my blessings.

  2. Cameron! Man I feel like an ass...I have been meaning to write you, but just have been so damn busy. I hope that you know how much of a positive, life-changing influence you have been in my life. There really aren't enough words.

    Shit man...I hold no patent on this stuff. I can only tell you how I feel now, and my understanding of it thus far.

    By seeing things clearer, I guess I mean that in different ways. Mostly, I mean that I see myself clearer. I'm only at the beginning of this process of getting to know myself, but I truly feel like a new man right now.

    I don't know if I'll never be tempted to stray. I suspect I more than likely will. But the difference now...sheesh, how do I explain this? The difference now...is that I want her more than I want sex with a man. And the honest truth is it used to be the other way around.

    How did that happen? Well the truth is, for one thing, I kinda got lucky. I could not have made things work with her if I didn't have enough "straightness" in me to fulfill us both sexually. For another, she had to be able to be able to forgive me, trust me, believe in us--and herself.

    The bottom line, though, is that Karen and I...we got a Thing. And I'd lost sight of it. Or rather, I almost killed it.

    I had to face my sexuality down. And it could have turned out I was really gay. As I've said, I'm not, and very confident in that now. But a happy ending like mine truly depends on a lot of variables.

    Mostly, I fell back in love with my wife. And that has rekindled something we use to have, that I had lost sight of.

    I desire her now in a way I never had before. I don't know if that will continue forever, but I'm going to keep working on us, like any other couple in the world must do.

  3. Good for you Sean. I am happy for you and your wife!

  4. Thank you Paul! Just taking each day as it comes...